— (via imaginecreateinspire)
Do you know why I keep on pushing you away?
It’s not because that I don’t love you, it’s because I do.
It’s not because I don’t want you by my side, but it’s because I do.
It’s mainly because I’m scared that if I come back, I would lose you again.
I’m scared of feeling the same pain I felt the day I realized that you were no longer mine.
Now, I can’t say that I’m free of that pain. But, maybe, I’m just numb. Numb because I can’t feel the pain anymore but I know that it’s still there.
I’m so used to the pain that it has become a part of me and not anymore something new.
What will be new to me, though, is the feeling of love and being loved. And ironically, I am afraid of feeling that too. Because I know that feeling loved once again comes with the pain that I am so afraid of going through.
So, if you ever wonder why I’m so angry at you, why I keep on treating you coldly and why I keep on avoiding you, just know, that your smile can make my heart melt and would make me forget that I’m trying to let you go. Know, that you can easily capture my heart again, you just haven’t thought of the best way to do it.
Free advice, “Effort changes everything.”
I miss you; but you can’t know that.
I still love you; but you can’t know that either.
I have to act strong, to hide how much I’m longing for you. You can’t know any of this. Because if you do, you’ll know that I still need you, that I still want you. I regret having to leave you, but I know that it would be better. You think its easy for me; but, in reality, its the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But you have to think that I’m happy, so that you would be happy, too. You have to think that I’m doing fine, so that you could go let go of me and move on. I don’t want to hurt you anymore because I can’t bear the idea that I’m causing you too much pain. That’s why I have to leave. But, please know that I will always love you. Whether I say it or not, whether it shows or not. Please know that you will still be the one that I will be looking for. But for now, let’s just go on with our lives without each other.
If you happen to find someone else, I hope she would turn out to be better than what I have been to you. I will be happy for you, even if it will kill me inside and shatter my whole world. When that time comes, I’ll watch in silence and pray that you would be happy with her more than you were with me. I’ll love you, silently, far away. But, again, you can’t know that.
— Sarah Dessen, Someone Like You (via simply-quotes)
